I am wearing my favorite pants. Getting ready to pour my favorite wine... oh wait, I finished it last night. That really stinks! I have four shows waiting for me to press play, and thankfully tonight's homework was easy and is submitted. Wait... is that the distant wail of an infant? Sometimes having the two girls share a room is harder than I expected... especially when the older one doesn't go to bed quietly and wakes the younger one from overdue, blissful sleep!
I have had no patience today. None. It makes me feel AWFUL. I had a moment of sheer anger and frustration at myself (thankfully alone, lol) and threw all the laundry on the floor.
"Ooooo... she's so scary! She threw laundry on the floor!"
Seriously. I was mad. And it was there. And I was mad at it. So I threw it all on the ground. I'm not apart of this system.
Unfortunately I had to pick it all up later. The plight of a homemaker. Don't make a mess you don't want to clean up, right? At least it was easier than picking up food off of the floor.
Do you ever explode? Do you ever get so angry at the to-do list and the mess and the lack of patience that you boil over? After I leaned my head against the wall and took some deep breaths, I walked out of my room like I had just taken a short trip to the bathroom, and the girls smiled up at me. Emma said "Look mom! My baby is going down the slide!"... and Audrey walked towards me with her arms up to be held.
They had no clue I had been fuming minutes before. They love me. I'm their mother. They need me. I teach them how to grow up "right" (whatever that is), and I feed them healthy food so they can actually do all of that growing and learning that I am supposed to make happen...
I got down on my knees and looked at Emma. I said "I'm sorry I got mad earlier"... and she said "That's ok mom! I love you!".
My heart melted. I asked her to forgive me, and she said "Can we hug now?"... so we had our Full House moment. And that was that.
She still loved me.