I'm Enough. | Being Jane

Sunday, September 14, 2014

I'm Enough.

My tongue is burning from the coffee I just tried to drink straight from the Keurig. 

Emma is at the table with Bubble Guppies on the iPad, blueberries on the table, and Puffins chocolate peanut butter cereal, all being my attempt to keep her quiet because Audrey is asleep on the couch.

Audrey, as mentioned, is asleep on my makeshift couch bed I construct every time we have a bad night, which has been every night for a month. Add together front teeth making their appearance and a double ear infection and I haven't seen my bed in a while.

I laid on the living room floor this morning as Emma ate and just tried to get through a little of my new book Desperate. I finished a whole chapter in one sitting. An amazing feat right? Let me just tell you that if you are exhausted, overwhelmed, or anxious within your role as a mother, this book is something you need to get. NOW. I suggest you get a real copy because if you're anything like me, you'll be underlining the crap out of almost every sentence because it resonates so deeply within your heart.

I sure adore my sweet girls. My Bean. My Bumblebee. If given the chance to change my life I wouldn't. But regardless of my all-around blissful perception of my life, I am still exhausted. Totally normal with two little ones under 3 years old. But nevertheless it is something I wish I could change. I wish I had the energy to do big projects and cooking experiences. I wish I had the energy to cut out a bunch of construction paper images for Emma to make things out of. 

I don't.

Sometimes my excuse is that she gets this at preschool so at least she gets it somewhere right?

Having worked in the Childcare field as a nanny and caregiver and babysitter for over 12 years I always thought I would be an amazing pro-active mom with my kids who fostered tons of creativity and excitement at home.


I mean I try really hard but it definitely doesn't fulfill that picture I always had in my head of my constant awesomeness.

When they are older I think my girls will remember my hugs, snuggles at night, trips to the library and museums, silly dancing to Pandora stations, and Target trips.

And that'll be fine. :)

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