The Lies We Tell Ourselves | Being Jane

Friday, August 8, 2014

The Lies We Tell Ourselves



I had an emotionally disturbing thought cross my mind as I bounced, shushed, and sang to Audrey tonight amidst her horrible teething pain.

She and I aren't as close as Emma and I were at this age. She doesn't find comfort in me.

Tears poured down my face as I sang, and I muffled my sobs in her little jammies.

I know that is not true. But sometimes my struggle to soothe and calm her to sleep, or to pacify her painful cries, gets to me. She is honestly a very easy baby, compared to the trials we had with Emma's inability to self-soothe at all and her constant separation anxiety from birth on... still, regardless of her simplicity, I cannot soothe her the way I did Emma. As long as Emma had me it didn't matter what I did. I could sing a ballad version of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" or just shush her gently as I swayed, and she was just completely reassured by being in my arms.

I know that Audrey adores me as her mommy, and I know that I meet her needs in ways that I don't understand yet. I do need to accept that she really isn't a snuggler. And that her crying and fussing is her way of working herself down to sleep, and that I'm not a bad mom. 

There are plenty of other lies we women tell ourselves, and some hit harder than others. Some hurt less, some completely shift our way of operating. 

If I don't wear makeup my husband won't be attracted to me anymore.

I can't have a body like "so-and-so" because I eat too many sweets. I bet she never has treats.

My thighs look fat in these yoga pants.

I need bangs.

I need to dye my hair.

My car isn't as shiny and new as hers, I'm going to leave last so she doesn't judge me for it and think I'm poor.

I'm the only one with debt.

Do any of these resonate with you? Feel free to add your own to the list. Some of these are mine. Honestly, they all are. But when I'm not emotional and I'm not feeling vulnerable, these don't bother me. 

First of all, I LOVE my car. Most young married people have some debt. I change my hair a lot and that's okay. I Do need bangs because my forehead is huge, I get that. Etc, etc.

Things like this don't cross my mind about my friends. Or even strangers. But it's easy to be all over ourselves because we truly are our biggest critic.

I hope you can see past the lies you tell yourself. If you need help, I'm here. I need help too.

2 comments:

  1. Working in the fitness world I always judge myself on my appearance. Nobody wants to take a class with an out of shape, wrinkle faced yoga teacher, who doesn't perfectly flow into warrior 2! But on the other hand.......maybe they do. Maybe because I'm a normal person just like them, they see past my flaws and accept me as an instructor. Im someone they can relate to, someone that reminds them it's ok to not be perfect. By the way trying to be "perfect" all the time is not only exhausting but impossible. Give yourself a break and instead of worring about what we don't have, give thanks for all that we do have. Focus on being the very best version of you, flaws and all and I promise that will be more than enough for the rest of the world!

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  2. Yes, we make our selves believe all these negative things, when deep down we know we are loved and cared for. I struggle with feelings that my daughter don't care about me, as ling as her dad is with

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