April 2014 | Being Jane

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Battling Postpartum Depression




People say I am a nice person. That I wouldn't hurt a fly. That I don't have a mean bone in my body. I am usually looking at life with joy and positivity, and I love to find the bright side in any situation.

So when I noticed I was sullen, irritable, easily angered, and not enjoying my days, I realized something was wrong. 

It wasn't immediate obvious to me. I mean, I had just had a baby, I had a toddler who woke up multiple times a night, I wasn't sleeping, we don't have a lot of family and friends close by, and my husband was working and going to school. I figured that I was just stretched thin.

When my husband sat me down and gently told me that I was being mean to our 2 year old daughter, I was shaken. 

Then he let me know that I had been very argumentative lately, always picking fights with him, raising my voice at him, and not being very enjoyable to be around. That made me feel awful but I am glad he told me. He told me I should talk to my doctor and I meant to but I kept forgetting to make an appointment. 

At my 6 week postpartum visit I told my doctor what I was feeling and he said it might be baby blues, and if after 2 weeks it didn't get better to come back and we would treat it. Well, life got busy and January turned into February, and then into March. By this point it had gotten worse but I had good days now and them, and on those days I convinced myself that I was fine and doing better so I didn't need to go back to my doctor. 

I should have opened up to my husband so that he could remove my blinders, but I didn't.

Since he was working so much and working on his masters degree, I didn't see a lot of him and he didn't see a lot of me. The time we did see each other usually revolved around the girls and we didn't have a lot of time for catching up.

One day Emma wasn't listening and I lost it. I got so mad that I yelled at her. Poor sweet thing had never been yelled at before and she had never seen her mommy be so mean. She started crying which made me more frustrated and I wasn't as calm and nurturing as I usually would've been in that situation, which made her more sad.

It woke me up.

I felt awful.

I started sobbing.

I realized that the past couple of weeks I had been getting angry to a point where I wasn't patient or kind with her and that wasn't fair. I NEVER physically hurt her but I was too firm and expected too much perfection from a two year old. I didn't want to scar her emotionally and I immediately told Daniel what was going on. 

It still took a couple of weeks for me to get to the doctor, which wasn't right on my end but it is the reality. In the meantime Daniel tried really hard to give me more breaks or step in when he could see I was getting frustrated last the point of self-regulation.

I repeat: I NEVER hurt my girls, but this wasn't healthy for the home or myself. 

When I finally got to the doctor at the end of March, I was prescribed Lexapro. I now take it once a day and I haven't had an anger episode since. If I get frustrated it is normal and minimal, and I am able to reason with myself and calm down to approach the issue with love and patience. The ability to step back and assess is something I lost with the depression.

I still battle the feelings of being down and alone, but I am doing much better. And my girls and husband are better for it.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

We Have A Mover! + Giveaway



You'll never guess what Audrey is doing...

She's starting to crawl!!

I know, I can't believe it either. She isn't even turning 6 months until May 1st. I'm terrified and thrilled at the same time!

I am so proud of her and amazed that she is starting her big milestones so young. Emma was always shocking me too, but she didn't start crawling until 7.5 months! Granted, she did start walking at 9 months, so who knows what Audrey will do!

To celebrate Audrey's big milestone, I'd love to take one of you lovely friends to coffee. But since that is hard to do considering the miles that separate most of us, I'll settle for giving ONE of you a virtual cup of coffee at Starbucks! Please enter the giveaway below and celebrate with me!

a Rafflecopter giveaway


One winner will have an eGiftCard to Starbucks sent to their email within a week after the giveaway closes May 1, 2014 at 12AM MST. US and Canada only. This giveaway is not sponsored by Starbucks or affiliated with any of these social media platforms. The gift card is provided by Leanne herself, and after it is emailed Leanne is not responsible for any issues that occur.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

I Danced With Anne Hathaway and She Took My Chapstick

I rarely post on Sundays, but I just couldn't resist linking up with Ashley and Neely for Sunday Social! I haven't done one of these since I was a "new" blogger (I'm still fairly new, aren't I? It's only been a year and three months....) but I've missed them!

Happy Easter! I hope your holiday is blessed and full of celebration as we remember the amazing sacrifice Jesus made for us, not to mention the miracle that happened on the third day, when He rose from the dead! And that is why we celebrate today. Bunnies, candy, and eggs are so much fun, but remember to also share the meaning of this holiday with your little ones!


5 songs you’ll listen to the rest of your life
Counting Stars (Glee version)
Tell It Again (JJ Heller)
Cornerstone (Hillsong)
I Dreamed a Dream (Les Miserables)

5 things on your bucket list
Go to Europe
Start dancing again
See Wicked on Broadway
Go to the East Coast
Grow my hair out again

5 celebs you’d love to hang out with for a day
Hugh Jackman
Anne Hathaway
Kate Middleton
Jimmy Fallon
Derek Hough

5 things you always carry in your purse
Chapstick
Wallet
Baby wipes
Toy
Pen

5 books on your reading list
Spring Blossoms by Beverly Nault
One Day by David Nicholls
Happy Wives Club by Fawn Weaver (currently reading)
Always Something There to Remind Me by Beth Harbison
The Last Bride by Beverly Lewis

Share the last 5 pictures on your phone







Thursday, April 17, 2014

Stay Golden Link-up!

Between my husband and I, you could say that I've always been the one with the "positive" outlook. This isn't to say that he isn't, but that I always spin every situation into a "well look at the bright side!" sort of thing.

Audrey woke up at 5:30am this morning, and Emma at 6:30am. This has been the new norm in my house, and I do miss the 7:30/8am wakeups. But the bright side? Early bedtimes!

I watch two little ones, other than my own, four or five days a week. The bright side? So many things! I make money, my kids socialize, and it's motivation to keep up with my house cleaning!

What are your positive spins on your week? Link up with us!

~~~~~

stay-gold-link-up-banner



Stay Golden is a weekly linkup that celebrates positivity!


Positivity comes in a ton of different shapes and forms: from being excited about a new drink at Starbucks, to paying it forward, to having a not-so-great day and consciously turning it around.


So write a post, link it up, and get hopping - cause we can make Positive Thursdays a thing, right? It comes after Wednesday and it's right before Friday, so why not celebrate it with some good thoughts?!


linkup-rules


Participate! Don't just leave your link and take off - instead, spend some time hopping around to other blogs and making new connections.


Leave a comment on the blog linked up before yours. This is the most important rule, because that's what linkups and hops are all about - meeting new people and new bloggers! After you add your blog's link, click over to the blog linked up before yours and leave a comment on one of their most recent posts.


Grab a button. Please don't forget to include a link back to the hop in your weekly post. Just grab the code below, and throw it into your post or onto your sidebar!


Stay Gold: The Weekly Positivity Link-up!



this-weeks-cohosts


Modernette Being Jane Be a Warrior QueenMarry Mint


If you are interested in being a co-host, please check out some further information and sign up via the form right here.








Wednesday, April 16, 2014

What I Love Most In Life

I love something more than anything else in the world.

And that something is: being a wife and a mother.


I find so much joy making our house a functioning, beautiful home. I'm not great at it, but I never stop trying. 

I love making yummy, hearty meals for my husband. I'm not very good at that, but I never stop trying.

I love setting out my husbands work clothes the night before an early shift. I'm not great at keeping up with his laundry, but I never stop trying.

I love playing with my girls. I find so much joy watching them get excited, use their imagination, and create. I'm not very good at putting off household duties to get on their level, but I never stop trying.

I never stop trying to be what my husband needs in a wife, what my girls need in a mother...

I never stop trying to be what I need from myself, be that a good student, fabulous friend, dedicated child of God, wonderful sister, loving daughter...

I am exhausted at the end of each day.

But at least I am fulfilled.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

New Happenings In Our House

I...


am finishing up the spring semester in school, in which I have been taking a poetry writing class and a Broadway musical class! I also watch a few little kiddos in addition to my own during the week, and one of them is going to stop coming for the summer, and the other only one day, so my daily schedule will be considerably more open! Next weekend the hubby and I are driving to the Tucson area to pick up my "new-to-me" car, which I will post pictures of as soon as we get home! For the summer school semester I am taking American Literature before 1860, and The Psychology of Parenting. I am really looking forward to it!



Husband...



is currently working his life away at a specialty grocery store in the area, and also on a part-time pool route (as you can imagine how many pools we have in AZ!). He also made the decision, along with my support, to take a medical/compassionate withdrawal from his masters program. It was a hefty, extremely difficult decision, but it is the best for him and our family right now. He will return to his graduate degree journey when the time is right, and we could use your prayers in that department right now.


Emma...


is blowing our minds daily in her growth in terms of knowledge and conversation. She will be two and a half next month and is incredibly intuitive and clued in for her age. I am not tooting my own parenting-horn here, I am truly amazed each day by what comes out of her mouth and what she is capable of. I have no idea what aspect of our parenting or teaching fueled this but I am loving it! She is very into tutus and dance right now, although we haven't gotten her into a class yet. You can thank Katerina Kittycat for her obsession. She also loves her learning games: Endless Alphabet, Endless Reader, and Endless 123. Emma loves going to get the mail, collecting rocks and sticks, going to the aquarium, shopping at Target with mom and dad, and doing any and all art projects she can get her hands on. She also LOVES her "Bobs" shoes. We got them from a consignment shop for $5, and she won't wear anything else.



Audrey...


is scaring me! She is not even six months old until May, and she is already on hands and knees rocking back and forth. Just this morning I put her on her back on the left side of our large living room rug, and quickly went to the bathroom. When I came back she was on the other side playing with Emma's castle. See photo:

Audrey loves Sophie the giraffe, as I am sure all of her peers do. She had her first trip to the aquarium yesterday (besides when she was a newborn) and was shrieking and giggling at all of the fishies!
She is eating pears and avocado so far (we started a bit early to help her reflux) and adores all things edible. It's a daily fight to keep her off of our "big people" food.


On another note, I think I am developing allergies to my cats. This makes me incredibly sad. When Daniel and I met in 2008 he had a sweet, petite, older cat named Taffy. A year after we met, in 2009, we got Sugar and Spice as kittens. In 2010 Taffy passed away. We have now had these "kittens" for 5 years, and don't know what it is like to have a pet-less household. Granted, we have our two kidlets now, but pets are so special. They definitely don't get the same attention as they did when they were our only children, but they've only ever known our home and family. Growing up I was very allergic to cats, as are my mother and a few of my siblings. As a teen I noticed that when I visited my best friend's house, her cats didn't bother me. I gradually noticed that no other cats bothered me and considered myself "cured". Now I am afraid elements are making me sensitive again and I wish I knew why!

I hope your week is going well, and I also hope you're excited for Easter! Do you have any plans? We don't as of yet!

Friday, April 11, 2014

I Don't Like to Clean



If I could avoid any household chore, it would be the dishes.....

...and laundry.

...go ahead and throw bathrooms in there too. Those are my nemesis. I keep up with the dishes and laundry because, let's face it, when you're the mom/wife, you HAVE to.

And yes, I keep up with the bathrooms. Most of the time. If we are being honest here, I am a great toilet scrubber, counter-wiper-downer, and sink-shiner. But point to the bathtub and I will slowly inch my way out of the room and hope you didn't notice.

I HATE cleaning bathtubs.

All of that nitty-gritty, knee-aching, stomach-stretching, arm-cramping scrubbing down of soap scum on porous acrylic.... no thank you.

Honestly? I love to vacuum. Seeing the lines on the carpet gives me a thrill that only a housewife feels. And now that I am the proud keeper of faux-wood floors, I have fallen in love with a good sweeping and mopping session. I'm serious, seeing the dark wood reflect nothing but sunshine and a lack of footprints is such a calming sight.

Do I have you running for your cleaning supplies yet?

Next time you mop your floors, think of me. I will be folding endless amounts of baby clothes and my husband's work shirts. Or maybe we could initiate a trade, and you could do my laundry while I clean your floors.

Deal?

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Remaining Positive!

stay-gold-link-up-banner



Stay Golden is a weekly linkup that celebrates positivity!


Positivity comes in a ton of different shapes and forms: from being excited about a new drink at Starbucks, to paying it forward, to having a not-so-great day and consciously turning it around.


So write a post, link it up, and get hopping - cause we can make Positive Thursdays a thing, right? It comes after Wednesday and it's right before Friday, so why not celebrate it with some good thoughts?!


linkup-rules


Participate! Don't just leave your link and take off - instead, spend some time hopping around to other blogs and making new connections.


Leave a comment on the blog linked up before yours. This is the most important rule, because that's what linkups and hops are all about - meeting new people and new bloggers! After you add your blog's link, click over to the blog linked up before yours and leave a comment on one of their most recent posts.


Grab a button. Please don't forget to include a link back to the hop in your weekly post. Just grab the code below, and throw it into your post or onto your sidebar!


Stay Gold: The Weekly Positivity Link-up!



this-weeks-cohosts


staygold-cohost-1 staygold-cohost-2 staygold-cohost-3


If you are interested in being a co-host, please check out some further information and sign up via the form right here.






An InLinkz Link-up

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Will You Vote For My Girls?



I know I have awesome readers out there! It will take an army to push these girlies to the front of the pack. I've entered them in the Parents magazine cover contest and currently Audrey is in the 300th place and Emma is in the 400th. 

You can vote daily until the 13th!

Here are their links:



Thank you so much in advance and feel free to share with your friends if you want to ;)

If one of them wins I'll hold a giveaway!!

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Can You See This?

Ive been having issues posting photos through another platform, so if you can see the one below, and not just a tile, can you let me know?

I would greatly appreciate it!